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  • TSE 6:32 am on December 4, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: cheaters, conflict, , , ,   

    Heartbroken? Add Value Anyway. 

    From Evernote:

    Forgiving Is The Remedy for Disappointment

    Watching “Comeback Season” made me think about a phenomena of love, that I have myself experienced and had the opportunity to coach others through.

    When a man break’s a woman’s heart, and if she does the work to forgive and heal; there may come a time to draw from that very growth and bless the one she was hurt by. When he wakes up and realizes what he’s done and what he’s lost, he will inevitably return to demand his position, denying any real harm. After claiming and demanding does not work, then comes regret and sadness. As a friend and one who loves him, the very woman he scorned is the one to help him acknowledge his choices, forgive himself and focus on healing. This doesn’t happen without humility…and doesn’t happen at all if there’s no real forgiveness. But if there is any real substance in both people there can be some major growth, even if they chose not to get back together.

    This is not just a lesson for women, and not just relevant in a romantic scenario. A young woman was treated horribly by colleagues and never stood up for or defended by her supervisor; although behind closed doors the supervisor leaned on her for council. Eventually the scandalous colleagues created a mess that caused the entire team to come under scrutiny. They very conveniently blamed their scapegoat, and although the supervisor knew that it was not her fault, she allowed her to take the fall. During the termination process the supervisor could not hold back tears and repeatedly expressed regret and sadness. Weeks later the supervisor had to call the terminated woman to get her input on a matter. It was then that my friend was able to help her acknowledge where she dropped the ball, forgive herself and consider making changes to improve her own career.

    Our lessons, even the painful ones are no longer ours after we learn from them. They are not just for great speeches, and blogs, or for lecturing friends. Great lessons built on and lived out, over and over until they are given freely to all who are willing to learn them.

  • TSE 12:18 am on November 11, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , conflict, , , , ,   

    The Power of Life and Death Is In The Tongue 

    Playing the dozens encourages and at times becomes bullying, plane and simple. Real constructive criticism should be consistent. That means if you need work on a behavior, it should be obvious to more than one person. If your harshest judgements are from the people closest to you, you are not birds of a feather.

    If you are a leader and you have trouble motivating others, consider why. That means look in the mirror and ask yourself why you’re hard to follow. Leadership is not forced. True leaders edify and inspire others to grow and change for a greater good and not their own. You must make efforts daily not to use your authority to benefit and glorify self.

    A transformational leader may use various tactics, but they never include bias, judgement, hipocracy and abuse. Love, service, and self sacrifice (the foundation of leadership) require the courage not to take advantage, kick someone when they are down, or sabotage them when they are ahead.

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